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an unforgettable night
It was cold outside. Not bone chilling cold but cold that sneaks up on you and with a snow storm on the horizon hours away the air was filled with anticipation. Anticipation for many reasons though. Spring was around the corner, baseball was just saved and the STL Cardinals were not just keeping 4/7 as the home opener date but it was now MLB’s home opener.
Life was happening all around the city this night. The STL Blues had a game, Girls on the Run had their gala, a man was recovering from surgery, a woman found out she was pregnant, a work project was a success on Facebook LIVE, friends were meeting to have dinner, and on and on and on all around people were living their lives. Like most moments in life we only see what is in front of us. It’s hard to think about so many other people’s lives and what is going on because your life seems like there is so much to do and you so easily can get lost within it.
Until a tragic incident happens.
you receive a call that someone has fallen or jumped off the 8th or 9th floor at the building you manage it snaps you out of your world and you are immediately thrust into another. A world of shock, sadness, fear, hope, and a whole new level of anticipation smacks you in the face.
As we speed though the streets and breezed past lights one was wrapped in his world of answering to so many others. No answers were to be had. At this point there was only the very basic knowledge of what had happened and where. So for a quick 9 minute drive we could only wonder who this person was that was laying on the cold concrete in front of the building. We could only wonder who saw him hit the ground. We could only wonder what his family is about to go through.
We could only know that co-workers and residents heard the mother’s scream and horror and that 2 co-workers sped down the stairs to help. We could only imagine what those 2 people were going though. We could only imagine how scared they were. We could only hope that they were okay. As we turned the corner towards the building the scene was before us just as we had imagined. Flashing lights, lots of men and women in various uniforms and very serious faces. At the time I arrived the yellow tape was being put around the area. The yellow tape that says this is serious and to stay away. Yet I had to walk right through it. Somehow having a VIP moment then didn’t feel special. No one wants to have to go through the yellow tape.
As I entered the building I saw many different scenes. It was almost too many to know which way to look. It was then that I knew this was heavy. That this terrible tragedy had really happened, that family was around and devastated, that residents were wanting to come and go from the lobby just as they would any other night yet they were being told to turn around and go to the back. Such a cold greeting to give and yet no one pushed back. They knew they couldn’t. They knew they didn’t want to. If you saw the scene of the people around the shocked mother and then the police in the doorway, lights blinking outside at the lobby windows and the final straw was the wide eyed group of employees that looked like deer in headlights. They looked empty and scared. They moved differently and yet, with purpose. It was as though they were on auto pilot and you dare not get in their way or give any resistance to what they say to you.
I walked up to a few. I don’t even remember who. I don’t even remember what I said or what was said to me. What I remember is a feeling. I remember feeling relieved that my team was okay. I remember feeling proud that they had jumped in so effortlessly to help. I remember them dropping everything to make sure things were running as they needed to be. I remember feeling grateful that we had each other to go through this horrible incident with.
I don’t remember ever having these feelings like this before. In the middle of such tragedy and truthfully pure horror, I felt calm and safe with my team. I felt the need to take care of them and do whatever they needed. I also felt them needing me. I felt them needing to take care of me. In this moment my team and me only knew what mattered in life and it was a human life. It was being alive and hugging and holding the ones you love. We all knew the beauty of simple interactions and the strength of being loved by our families and friends. We all knew that we couldn’t wait to call and hug the ones we love. But before that could happen, my team and me had to take care of the grieving mother, had to call her sister and share such unfathomable news, had to ensure residents were being told the same, had to help the son-less mother walk her dogs, had to comfort each other and just had to help in whatever way we could. All in this time allowing the realty and heaviness of this pour through our body as if we were walking through a hard, heavy, fog.
The thoughts running through me now as I lay in bed at home are some heavy ones and then some that are so light I can barely think. As though my mind is shifting back and forth so my heart won’t explode and the tears won’t stop flowing. Tonight a man that struggled with inner demons like so many ended his life. Tonight a mother lost a son. Tonight a woman found out she was pregnant. Tonight a man recovered from surgery. Tonight a gala was happening and a hockey game was played. Tonight life was lived and lost and for me, life was made known that we only have one so tell the people you love that you love them and wake up in the morning and make a difference in someone’s life. Make a difference in your own life.
Tonight was an unforgettable night and yet the morning will bring snow and sun and a whole new day. And then it will be last night where I learned, we learned, to remember there is more than just your small world. All around us life is happening so be kind, be thoughtful, be a friend, be a stranger, be a force and be an impact on others. Just be.
